It's not just teenagers: adults are 'slut-shaming and sexting' too

Last week, we read the tragic story of 13-year-old Chevonea Kendall-Bryan. The teenager accidentally fell to her death in Battersea in March 2011, while pleading with a boy to delete a mobile phone video of her performing a sex act.
Such was her distress that she threatened to jump from her bedroom window, should the boy - stood on the pavement below - refuse. "How much more can I handle? HONESTLY. I beg you, delete that," she texted him.
Despite months of abuse – as reported to teachers by Chevonea’s mother – including being forced into the sex act by an older boy, nothing had been done to protect this young girl. The bullies felt free to pass the video around school. Desperate and unable to see a way out, she risked her life.
For many, it’s tempting to see this as little more than ‘kids being kids’ – albeit in a digital playground. I mean, there have always been bullies, right? Kids have long taunted one another. But, as Chevonea's case shows, it would be a mistake to be complacent

A friend recently confided that a workmate had been caught in a compromising situation. The woman had been filmed on a mobile phone, outside the office, performing a sex act on a male colleague. Said man had then shown the video to his fellow employees, during working hours and without her consent. Word spread and the woman was left humiliated.
But what if she’d had a more extreme reaction? What if - fearing for her job - she'd threatened to harm herself if he didn't delete the video? In this instance, the woman didn’t speak up and her bosses – aware the footage existed – failed to take any steps to protect her or discipline her colleagues. Like Chevonea’s bullies, they got away with it.

It doesn't stop there. This weekend, in her Mail on Sunday column, Rachel Johnson revealed that a businessman at a corporate function had photographed her cleavage (she thought the camera was pointing at her face) and circulated it over email. She discovered the truth after being contacted by strangers, telling her they'd seen the picture. Johnson shrugged it off and - in her jolly way - referred to herself as "a reasonably hard-bitten old trout."
She told me, “My face wasn’t shown, so it wasn’t too humiliating. I just think people are using this relatively new tool [smart phones] for sexual experimentation. They’re trying to redefine relations between the sexes.
“At least as an adult you know where you are with that. Minors have no emotional maturity and don’t understand that no-one is trying to ruin their lives.”
In her column Johnson, perfectly rightly, called for 'responsible adults' to deal with the issue of teen sexting. But this does miss a crucial point. How can we grown-ups set an example when the very same practices are part of our daily lives? Even if the majority of us are better equipped to deal with the fall out?
'Slut-shaming' goes viral
If you believe everything you read, kids have a monopoly on sexting and - the latest addition to the lexicon - slut-shaming; where girls are publicly chastised for appearing to enjoy sex. The site 'Hey Girl, Did You Know?' has attracted attention for its placards scrawled with slogans like; 'Hey girl, did you know you spread Nutella, not your legs?'
Social networking provides further opportunity for vitriol. Ask.fm – a particularly nasty site, favoured by younger girls - allows users to view each other’s personal images and leave anonymous, frequently abusive, comments.
Of course, online name-calling is nothing new. But things are taking a darker turn. In 2012, a study by the NSPCC found that 75 per cent of girls, who sent explicit pictures to boys on mobile phones, had them shared without their consent. A growing number were becoming distressed or even suicidal as a consequence.
Last month, a Channel 4 News investigation highlighted just how widespread the practice has become. One 15-year-old girl told producers, "I get asked for naked pictures…at least two or three times a week." Boys also admitted to bombarding girls with intimate images until they declared a lack of interest (although if the message didn't register, the images kept on coming).
This is the stuff that finds it way online and onto our permanent records. No wonder the victims are increasingly filled with panic.

What sort of example does this set to our teenagers? Why are we letting them think that female sexuality is something to be ashamed of or mocked?
And it’s not just men who are guilty.

Women need to hold the side up
A glance at website Mumsnet turned up this comment, in relation to a woman who found a video of her husband's female colleagues stripping, on his laptop. In response, one member wrote; “the girls are hopefully now sober and are hanging their heads in shame”.
While there's no denying these women behaved carelessly (although we can't know the exact circumstances), this attitude ignores the fact that their colleagues passed the video around, like some sort of prize - and assumes that the women should be the one’s hanging their heads.
I'm not trying to claim there's a conspiracy of female in-fighting, here. But, simply, how can we expect men to respect women's sexuality, when we're so ready to devalue one other?
It just adds fuel to the notion that female sexuality is something to be ashamed of; something to be pilloried and – most alarmingly of all - used as a weapon.